Emotional Safety, Authenticity, and Body Language in Modern Relationships: A Conversation with Christopher Louis

How does body language support emotional safety, authenticity, and trust-building in modern romantic relationships?

Part 4 of 4

Christopher Louis is a Los Angeles–based international dating and relationship coach and founder of Dating Intelligence. As host of the Dating Intelligence Podcast, Louis draws on intuition and lived experience to guide clients toward authentic selves and meaningful romantic connections. Louis talks about the emotional needs of men, double standards in physical boundaries, and how body language communicates trust, safety, and authenticity. Louis highlights the discomfort men can feel when objectified and stresses the importance of consent and respectful space for everyone. He explains how body language—openness, presence, and genuine eye contact—can repair rifts and build emotional security. The dialogue ends with a powerful take on authenticity as aligned selfhood and responsible empathy, with Louis sharing his personal motto: "Meet me today. Be memorable tomorrow."

Scott Douglas Jacobsen: Women often talk about how important it is to feel safe for authentic emotional expression or romantic connection. What is it, generally speaking, that men need to feel emotionally secure or open?

Christopher Louis: That's a great question. So, I get this from the flip side a lot. I'm a former model, and it's funny—when I talk to women about this, I try to be honest. Off the record, Scott, sometimes I feel treated like a piece of meat.

I'm a pretty emotionally intelligent, intuitive guy, so when women come on too strong or get right in my face, it makes me nervous. It also brings up an absolute double standard that not enough people discuss. What gives someone the right to touch me without my consent? If I flipped the roles—if I touched her arm, or her leg, or her chest without permission—it would be completely unacceptable. And rightly so.

So why is it okay the other way around? Why do some people assume it's fine to come into my personal space—to touch my chest or put their hand on my leg—without even asking? I never gave that kind of permission. I didn't offer validation. I didn't say, "Yes, it's okay for you to touch me." That's a boundary.

Sometimes, as a man, you can experience the same discomfort women feel when their space is violated. It may not happen as often, but it still happens. And when it does, it's jarring.

I've had moments where women compliment me—say I'm handsome or "hot" or even joke that they want to "eat me alive"—and while I appreciate the compliment, it honestly makes me anxious. Sometimes, it's the look in their eye. You can tell when someone sees you as an object instead of a person.

It's that same "predatory" stare women talk about experiencing from men—it's real. And I've felt it. In those moments, I've caught myself doing exactly what I described earlier—scanning the room, looking for help. I might even turn to my girlfriend and say, "Hey, by the way, this is my partner," just to create space and communicate boundaries.

I stay polite about it. I never want to be rude. But the point is—yes, it happens to men too. And I think sometimes women feel like they have more social license to enter a man's personal space than the reverse.

Jacobsen: Why do you think that is?

Louis: Because it's less common, and the social consequences are different. When a man invades a woman's space—especially physically—it's seen as threatening, and it often is. For example, when a guy walks up behind a woman he does not know, he puts his hand on her lower back. That's a major red flag. That's one of the creepiest things a guy can do.

Say the woman's facing her friends, and this guy slides in behind her and casually touches her lower back before she's even made eye contact with him. Then he circles to the front like it's nothing. That's stranger danger 101. It triggers a safety response—and rightly so. That's something I teach many of my female clients: if a guy ever does that to you, speak up. Tell him, "Hey, I don't appreciate being touched like that." Boundaries matter, no matter the gender.

Right—because when someone comes up from behind you, that's completely different than approaching from the front. You do not see them coming. And any woman will tell you—being approached from behind, especially with unexpected physical contact, immediately raises red flags. Many women already have a lifetime of experiences where someone gave them creepy vibes. They do not need a stranger touching them from behind and initiating contact that way. It's invasive.

Jacobsen: What does it take to repair emotional rifts—r-i-f-t-s—specifically with body language? How can someone rebuild trust through positive physical presence after an argument, a long-term misunderstanding, or a situation where emotions are left unresolved?

Louis: That's a powerful question. Let's use a basic argument as an example—not as extreme as cheating, just a regular emotional disagreement.

When you apologize to someone, your words matter, but your body language matters even more. A person can see if you're genuinely sorry. If your posture is open, tone is calm, and eyes are sincere, those signals do the heavy lifting. "I'm sorry" is a phrase unless embodied through genuine behaviour.

Once the apology is made and the partner says, "I forgive you," many people mess up: They linger in guilt. They walk around in purgatory, with drooping posture, puppy-dog eyes, and constant speaking in that apologetic tone. That becomes counterproductive.

What I coach people to do instead is this: once the apology is accepted, shift immediately into reassurance mode. Use confident, present, and loving body language. You are showing them, "I'm here. I've learned. I've got you."

Ask, "How are you today, babe?" Do something thoughtful. Look them in the eyes when they speak. Touch their hand with presence. Stand tall, not slumped. All of that says more than a thousand words. That kind of body language restores emotional safety and rebuilds trust.

It's not about grovelling or being passive. It's about standing firm and consistent—because that communicates, "I'm with you. We're okay. I'm not going anywhere." That's the energy that heals rifts.

Jacobsen: How do you define authenticity?

Louis: Ah—my favourite word. Thank you for that. It's a fantastic wrap-up.

Authenticity means showing up as your true self every day, not just when it's convenient, or things are going well. It means aligning your actions with your values, being honest with yourself, and being emotionally present with others.

To me, authenticity starts with self-care and self-love. If you don't love who you are, you'll keep showing up as someone else or hiding behind a mask, and that's not sustainable.

This is who I am. I believe in emotional expression. I believe in integrity. I believe in connection. And I try to bring that version of myself into every conversation, every relationship, every room I walk into. This—what you're hearing right now—is who I am. That's authenticity. You show up as your authentic self when you walk into a room with Confidence—not arrogance, but grounded Confidence. That's what I teach in my coaching.

I help women reclaim power and teach men to let go of their egos. I always say, "Confidence is not arrogance. Confidence is strength." Ego, when unhealthy, becomes arrogance.

When a man leads authentically, he is confident without needing to dominate. You can feel that energy when someone enters a room. You don't even need to be looking directly at them. People sense it—they turn their heads, they pause. They say, "Who is that?" Not because of how they look but because of the energy they're carrying.

That's what authenticity means to me. When someone is smiling, open, and approachable, their body language is relaxed and genuine. That's how I show up in every space: at a party, at a meeting, or in a one-on-one conversation like this one with you, Scott. What you see is what you get.

Jacobsen: I interviewed Dr. Ramani Durvasula—a noted clinical psychologist, professor, and a massive voice in the conversation around narcissism. She's built a large following by helping people navigate toxic dynamics, set boundaries, and heal.

She made a distinction that struck me. She said that authenticity is not the same as being unhinged. Being authentic doesn't give you a license to say or do whatever you want, with no regard for others. There's still a social boundary where your freedom ends and someone else's space begins. There's an unspoken interplay there.

So, when you show up with a positive ego or healthy self-assurance, how do you balance being authentic and showing social responsibility?

Louis: I love that. And I've heard—or maybe even said—a version of that quote: Authentic does not mean unchecked.You can walk into a room, have a bad day, or feel emotionally off—that happens. We all carry internal struggles. But you still need to be present and respectful of others.

I always say: When you meet someone, you have no idea what their day has been like. Maybe they're dealing with something heavy. That's why a truly authentic person can still take a moment to be available, to show up for others even if they're having an off day. That's the version of authenticity I live by—and what I teach.

Now, there are different expressions of authenticity. Mine might look very different from someone on the other end of the personality spectrum. I'm more extroverted and emotionally expressive, but someone quieter and more reserved can still be deeply authentic.

The key is that they're not pretending. They're being clear with their energy. Maybe they say, "Hey, I'm not super outgoing, but I care, and I'm here." That's authenticity, too—just delivered through a different lens. And I respect that fully. I might not always be in the best or happiest mood—but I will always be honest. I'm going to be emotionally available. And above all, I'm going to be true to who I am.

Jacobsen: What are your favourite quotes?

Louis: Oh my god. So, my favourite quote is one I came up with myself—and honestly, you can put this on the record if you like it. It sums up how I live:

"Meet me today. Be memorable tomorrow."

Jacobsen: That's good.

Louis: Right? Because when people meet me, I want them to walk away thinking, "Wow, that Christopher Louis was a good guy." That's what I aim for. So yeah—Meet me today. Be memorable tomorrow. That's my personal favourite.

Jacobsen: Christopher, thank you so much for your time today. I appreciate you sharing your insights and your expertise. It's been a pleasure meeting you.

Scott Douglas Jacobsen is a Writer and Editor for A Further Inquiry. He is the publisher of In-Sight Publishing (ISBN: 978-1-0692343) and Editor-in-Chief of In-Sight: Interviews (ISSN: 2369-6885). He writes for The Good Men Project, International Policy Digest (ISSN: 2332–9416), The Humanist (Print: ISSN 0018-7399; Online: ISSN 2163-3576), Basic Income Earth Network (UK Registered Charity 1177066), A Further Inquiry, and other media. He is a member in good standing of numerous media organizations.

Photo by Gabriel Rissi on Unsplash